I love you, and you know I respect your opinions and your character. I deeply admire your sense of charity and the way you look out for the less fortunate. I know you love America. I know you’re concerned about spending, the national debt, budget deficits, and bloated government. I also know there’s not a racist bone in your body. I know you have deep religious faith and I know your faith comforts you, gives you hope, and guides your loving relationship with your family, friends, and neighbors. You are truly a wonderful person, and my life and the lives of our fellow Americans would truly be diminished without you. And I want the best for you in all things, so forgive me if I make one small suggestion. Please!!! Start hanging out with a better crowd!
I’m not sure if you’re truly aware of the folks who are pretending to be Republicans lately, but some of them are hooligans!
Take for instance, the racists. Some of them today are calling themselves, “Tea Party” members. They are always infiltrating GOP gatherings and they are really trying to control the ideology of the Republican Party. They tend to believe that black people are “takers” rather than productive members of society. They tend to believe erroneously, that Welfare, Medicare, and Food Stamp participants are overwhelmingly black and they look for any opportunity to cut those programs. They love the small-government Republican Party, because they think it gives them a socially acceptable avenue to get rid of the “nigger freeloaders”. They push for laws that would reduce the number of minorities in voting booths. They also come in droves to link up with legitimate immigration reformers, but what they really want is to get the Mexicans out of their neighborhoods. These are ugly people. They have been almost universally, condemned in nearly every civilized country, including America. They believe they can hide out in the Republican Party.
Then you have the religious fundamentalists. They surround themselves with crucifixes, pictures of Jesus, and biblical quotes. They seem to consider Jesus’ calls for peace and love, to be secondary to Old Testament references to condemnation, retribution, and outright murder. Their “Jesus” is a hateful person who sees Satan behind every rock. They are generally poorly educated and poorly informed, but they are TENACIOUS and merciless. They think they’ve found like-minded friends under the GOP tent, and their goal is to demonize gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender Americans. They clamor for torture and the use of the death penalty under a very closed definition of justice. They try desperately to impose their values and their prejudices in others. They want to decide for others, questions about family planning, marriage, and the role of women in our society. They are universally, sexually repressed. They think society will eventually accept them because they clothe themselves in religion. They are insidious!
Finally dear friends, there are the carcinogens! These are the folks who try to use the afore-mentioned groups to redirect the Republican Party. They are cowards. They are thieves. They imagine themselves as great leaders, and they will do anything to gain power. They have no conscience and no morals. You can find them standing in open fields at night with their fingers in the air, trying to gauge the direction of today’s “popular opinion” and then they come out in the daylight with their course firmly set. At least until the wind changes. These are people with names like Cruz, Bachmann, Koch, Limbaugh and Beck. They have no concern with truth or facts, they just have a need to bloviate for affect. They have no real ideology. They only want to be on the winning team, and they want to be the head coach. They never show up at a meeting without first draping themselves in a flag, and holding a wooden cross aloft for all to see. They are the “Eddie Haskells” of Capitol Hill and the media.
These people, my dear GOP friends are currently carrying the banner of the Republican Party. They have kidnapped your good name and your patriotism, and they are relentless in their efforts to reengineer your brand. They are bad people. They do NOT represent you and they do NOT represent your fellow good Republicans. I miss you guys, and I’d love to get together for a cook-out, to have a beer together, and to talk about our different ideas. I just can’t seem to pick up the phone, because I’m afraid your new group of “friends” will come with you. I hope you’ll take this opportunity to dump these guys. Clean out your Facebook friends list. Start screening the guest lists at your parties. You know, just clean up a little bit.
You won’t hurt your electability potential, because some moderates will jump at the chance to be Republicans. There is a whole new world out there, my friends, just waiting for you to take out the trash. And with just a little febreeze spritzer, you’ll be back in the fold. We will recognize your contributions and your value to our future success. Remember, I love you!